And here's the link to the Ciderfest script again:

a_griffin_on_the_roof.pdf


​

Here I am wearing lovely hat made by Midwest Bronyfest attendee, right.

Hunger seized him in the middest nigh-et 
-I feel like squid I don’t deny it!

So off to the dock in his long-john feet
went sleepy man, on a quest to eat
 
He jumped in the water and sink he did
And in soggy seconds he’d found a squid.

He sank his teeth in a rubbery arm
Then he went blind and something warm

sucked on his noggin as it sat on his hair.
His person was probed, both here and THERE!
​
Now arms caught him up, secure as a bug
Now, I see, I ain’t hungry, I just needed a hug!
 
 

I'm tickled to scraps and tatters that I've been invited to a convention in Finland, of all places. I've had a massive culture crush on that crazy place since the day I bought an awful book about it from a library sale bin. It was the driest book you can imagine, and yet, something about the pure informational nature of the thing allowed me to imbue it with a Finland of my mind. July 4-6 2014, I'll be there, at CRYSTAL FAIR CON  in Helsinki, probably delusion-busting. But maybe not. I have a powerful imagination. 

Daniel Ingram, composer for My Little Pony  will be there too, and I suggest we glue him to a piano and make him play every pony tune known to pony.  I urge you, if you really want to mail yourself to pony heaven, come with! One thing I'm fairly sure of, regarding Finland, is that it's pretty hard to freak the Finnish people out. BUT WE SHOULD TRY!

I'm stoked that I'll be able to go to the Gallen-Kallela gallery and see work by my newest art-crush, Akseli Gallen-Kallela. 

You can see some of my lurid extrapolation on the Finnish character in my short story The Man Who Was Loved by the Wind-- a story in Faux Finnish.

Me and my best buddy, Kev went to Las Vegas over the weekend to see a pal, the Cirque Du Soleil show “O” and the opening of their new piece ‘Zarkana’. Peeps who know me did double take when I said I was going to Vegas. Now I know why. I doubt that it’s news to anyone else, but what that place needs is a soak in the sheep dip, some herbal tea and by god, some proper shoes.

We stayed at the beautiful Bellagio hotel, the architectural stunner that houses ‘O’-- and that also

stinks.  

There are fermented feet on hills of burning tires in fishmarts that smell fresher than the inside of the Bellagio.  Seems all the remaining smokers in the world meet in the casino there to try to make a blackened bacon of each other.  

Someone told me once- and perhaps it’s naïve that I believed it, but the image stuck-- that in medieval days they’d build whole beautiful castles and when rooms were all filled with excrement they’d just mortar them up and move into another, until the place was full of poo and they had to build another.  Now that I write it, it seems a bit unlikely. But that’s what came to mind. Get the mortar.

Oh Vegas. Oh dear oh dear. The shoes. Oh dear. Now, were I a chiropractor, I’d move there post hasty. Things that were sold as shoes were actually toothpicks and made their wearers look like spangly hors d'oeuvres. 

But enough of the grimlies. 

What did I like about Vegas? Some things were just amazing.

1.     ‘O’. Is certainly the bogglingest thing I have ever seen. I asked Sandi Croft, who runs the show why no one went arse over teakettle. She laughed her pate off. Least of the dangers, I gather, amid the mad acts of self-defenestration. My favorite bit was the ‘lobster people’— Three bendy-bendy girls in red who did bendy-bendy things that made my eyeballs knock against the bridge of my nose. And the red army in garters. And the dive-off. Who can describe it all?  It’s what bogglement is all about. Make you go Wazzah?!#$%^&* - Ahzzum!

2.     ZarKana: the new Cirque show. Some crazy steampunky deal that would make Georges Méliès  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JDaOOw0MEE yank off his own femurs and drum them against the lid of his casket with glee. I  did have to laugh when I heard the performers in an interview talk about their narrative, because the narrative is not something that they share with the audience. Even the songs, sung with great passion, are glossollaliacal. As heartfelt as they, are they are lyrically the equivalent of Bladidahdidah. puttaputtaputta, Woggawoggawogga.  So speak not to me of 'narrative.' There are, however, recurring themes that weave the performance together which are a lot of fun. It’s more of a five-dimensional painting (with electrodes that occasionally whip out and poke your unused bits of brain) than a story.    What do you say to a girl who willfully balances upside down with one hand on the head of  man who himself balances on a wobbly free-standing step-ladder  on top of a grand piano? I'll tell you what you want to say. You want to say: Young Lady, come down here before someone gets a toe in the eye, and go to your room at once.  But what you do say is: Don't mind me. I'll sit in the dark and sweat chickens. You just focus.  

And then you sweat chickens. 

There's a snake lady with an outstanding voice who just “gives ‘er’ as we Canucks say. No idea what she’s singin’, but by gum, she does awesome noise. I was imagining the English lyrics as she belted wildly:

 I’ve got a boulder in my nose! 
There's biscuits and gravy in my hose! 
The audience is full of surf and turf, I can’t wait until we close! -- Like I said. They could be singing anything.

A 'seer' who draws the whole show in sand, and the two main clowns stole the show for me, as well as a liquid man in white. rolling about on a white circle. His bit was an elegant lily of a thing after all the Busy-busy Wow.

 Loved the pants off this show. It repeats on one. In a good way

3.     If you go way up the road there are red rocks and you can climb them. I wanted to eat the dirt. It’s very pretty.

4.     Cactus gardens

5.     A horse named Rosie and her pals. A dog named Bella.

6.     You can get chicken noodle soup for breakfast.

7.     The cab drivers

8.     Anime Vegas…

Kevin and I stopped in at Anime Vegas for tea with Tara Strong and 400 of our closest friends. That was a highlight. The best of Vegas was in that room, and if you were there, I apologize if I hit you with a cookie. We were treated to a rendition of 'Gangnam style' of unsurpassed gigglery, and lots of hugs. Tara was up to her shenanigans again. Gotta love that  awesome chick. No really. You gotta, or she'll thump you. -Lates.

It's bucketing rain here in the old soak. I'm covered in cats and waiting for the first soggy costume full of child. 

I hadn't time for much decoration. I had to repurpose an enormous ceramic duck that was given me by my best friend some years ago. I snuck the ceramic fruit he gave me to the Sally Anne, apple by apple over the course of several months, but it'd be hard to cover up the duck's absence. It's a big duck.

A big ceramic duck.

I wrote: "Beware the duck" on it. It's a little joke. It's a 'lame duck'.  'Cause it's so lame. Get it? Ya with me? 

I know, I know.

Right. Well, here's a little ode to the season:

Fans may have lost their pudding.

Sometime in the last two weeks the letters I received from cartoon viewers took a sharp turn. They jumped off the purple cliffs like lemmings and into the valley of purple where they have set up purple rondavels. Consider this message from afar: ('…' denotes small edited bits for brevity.)

Salutations from neither Romania nor Switzerland… Hello … whoever reads this I am a big fan…  So, yeah... (BULK OF LETTER)
Yours faithfully, An Australian Fan P.S. (Attached is not actually my face, but  the face of the late Kim Jong-il… apologies for any confusion.)

Yes he did send me a picture of Kim Jong Il. Which is something I'd been doing without. So that was considerate and clearly not the act of a Romanian.

Then came this scribe:

Dear Miss Tabitha, or whomsoever holds the Sacred Sceptre 

I fear I shall have to send this message through many levels of the ethereal plane, to a place where… the alphabet hiccups. I tried hooking my computer up to a small windmill… You may be shocked to hear that various miniature equines you've brought to life have transcended their 2D boundaries and escaped. We do attempt to recapture them by leaving out iced tea and guava… We come down in the morning to find all the good whiskey gone… unsettling... Yours with respect … and possibly toast - A

It's as if the viewers finally have the measure of me! I'm delighted, but not sure what has happened to cause the viral lavender. Consider this poodle hailing from 'ponies with problems:'

As a fan of your rather vibrant voice work for the marshmallow pony on that one show about Technicolor equines I have to tell you that I admire your ambition… -a Dutch fan.
I can't imagine what 'problems' could beset  someone who so fearlessly adjectivized a marshmallow. There should be an award.

Then came this nugget:

Dear fungi enthusiast,

As a practitioner of the way of the jib, I would just like to wish you a hello and how do you do. Your pursuits in the equine rounda-ma-roo have certainly been quite audible! In the best of waves, of course of course.
All the best, D.

What is this jib? This hibbly jibbly? This jaberhoosian wiggyflip?

A poignant letter next:

Just wanted to say, you are a great VA and why is the rum gone?
There was rum?

Quoi le champignon???

Dear average Fungus,

I write…on a dial up connection hooked up to a rock from some south pacific Island, so i'll probably lose reception… I need some wisdom. What is the love of your life? What is the life that you love? And what is some hibbly jibbly you can go without?... Some hibbly jibbly ide rather not … is Peruvian Funk Punk. Normally I can listen to any kind of music, but… cant stand the mountainous energy the genre gives off. --Some young hooligan

Average Fungus, hunh? Well,  okay. I can go with that.  And I know the Hooligan's are questions of universal value, so I'll tell you what I think I told it. The hibbly I can do without is when you have to cut your friends nose ring off of your mum's afghan with pliers.  Universal dilemma, right?

Then this:

'YODA JUJU.'  I'm Irish and I've never used this term. 
So good to clear the air.

Even more on the spore theme from this funny gent name of Alex L :

…Ps. I wonder if there is a Tabitha Street in Germany... Perhaps I should take a package containing mushrooms and enjoy the confusion I might cause…

Well. Feel free to enjoy my confusion. I am.


I ask you. What has befallen the public pudding?